Fall 2019 – 2020
PART 1 – The Pregnancy
During my first trimester right before the COVID 19 pandemic hit, the LORD told me I was carrying a child with the anointing of Samuel and Samson, a Nazarite seer from the womb and “no razor shall touch its head”.
This pregnancy was the healthiest, most enjoyable of all my pregnancies. My 4 other live births prior to deliverance and inner healing ministry, I had severe hyperemesis gravidarum (*puking 30 times a day x 9 months) that necessitated hospital visits, IV therapy, and chemo drugs to stay pregnant, along with all the complications that dynamic caused.
At 26 wks., the LORD dropped Isaiah 62:3-4 into my heart as this child’s mandate life verse. I tucked it away, unsure of its significance.
Isaiah 62:3-4 KJV
[3] Thou shalt also be a crown of glory in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of thy God. [4] Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.
PART 2 – Delivery and first 30 hrs
Then at 28 wks., the LORD told me to drop everything and go to the hospital NOW…in the midst of Covid pandemic lockdowns. “Yes, LORD (???).” I felt healthy, my vital signs I could do at home were great, and baby was moving just fine. My husband and midwife knew how much I hated hospitals or any medical intervention, so when I informed them of my desire to follow this “gut feeling to get checked at the hospital,” they fully supposed my decision.
First 2.5 hrs of the maternity checkup and continuous fetal heart monitor, everything was fine. My BP and urine were excellent. Baby’s heart rate was responsive and within range. Cervix check was tightly closed and long neck.
They told me I could go home but I still had a gut feeling I wasn’t done, and requested to stay longer. They agreed to let me stay up to 4 hrs. but then would need to discharge me home.
Shortly afterward, the alarm bells began to blare. They told me to shift position during the Braxon hicks and the alarms ceased. 7 minutes later, the alarms went off again. I shifted yet again, silencing the alarms. This went on for a good half hour as I watched the monitor tape, registering a decelerating heartbeat consistently every 7 minutes. I was having pre-term labor contractions 7 minutes apart. The nurses dismissed my concerns, saying this was normal for Braxon hicks.
My gut was not accepting their dismissive attitude, so I demanded a cervix check. I was now 3 cm dilated and short neck, a dramatic change in a very short period of time! The OB was alerted of all my negative tests results and good vitals, my reason to visit over a “gut feeling,” and this sudden change showing preterm labor was already in progress. A repeat urine showed I had shifted from no protein to spilling +3 protein in less than 1 hr. and I was now fully in a pre-eclampsia state, with my blood pressure rising rapidly.
OB ordered doppler check that showed a triple cord wrap around the neck strangulation in progress. The last ultrasound showed everything was healthy and normal, no cord issues = witchcraft assassination in progress. (**we had been doing high level deliverance and breaking blood covenants the day before as i was dedicated as a child bride of Satan when i was little. I am an SSRA survivor like the Epstein trafficked girls.)
The OB told me he was putting in call for an OR for emergency C-section to save my life, unsure if they could save the baby at this point as all the ORs where all booked up to an hour’s drive away.
He told us to prepare a name as the medical staff would need it for NICU paperwork or death certificate. Surprisingly, I had such deep peace with this news.
The LORD reminded me of Isaiah 62:3-4 and told me her name was in there. Hephzibah??? Beulah??? No way! I looked up the Hebrew, searching for what resonated. Atarah leapt out as an appealing feminine name, Hebrew for Crowned. Royal with the “royale” pronunciation would work for a middle name. Our last name Kelly means Warrior. She would be our CROWNED ROYAL WARRIOR.
I was transported to a children’s hospital an hour away that had the first OR opening. She was delivered and pronounced dead on arrival at 2:52am on May 12th, 2020, and resuscitation attempts failed.
With such calm boldness and faith, I declared, “With all due respect, Doctor, my God said, “She shall be a crown of glory in the hand of her LORD, a royal diadem in the hand of her God. No longer will she be forsake or desolate, but the LORD shall delight in her and she shall be married.” Now you can’t get married if you’re dead. The LORD can’t delight in you if you are dead. She will come back to life.”
Job 22:28 NKJV – 28 Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways.
LUKE 10:19 AMP – Listen carefully: I have given you authority [that you now possess] to tread on serpents and scorpions, and [the ability to exercise authority] over all the power of the enemy (Satan); and nothing will [in any way] harm you.
The OR staff whispered, “She’s in shock!” I overheard, and calmly responded, “NO, I’m not in shock. My father and I were both raised from the dead. Besides, Jesus was raised from the dead 3 DAYS later. She will come back to life.” The OB’s eyes showed she was terrified, and yelled, “Stitch her up! Get her to the ICU!”
As they stitched me up, I could hear an instructor now using my deceased daughter as a fresh cadaver to train new nursing students on how to intubate such a micro preemie. I could hear a male student practicing feeding the breathing tube down her throat only to be rebuked, “No, NO! You went down the wrong tube (*esophagus) again. Pull it back and try again. Tilt up a tighter angle this time (*for the bronchial tube).” That poor male student tried repeatedly and failed for the duration of the suturing of my abdomen, then they switched to another student as they wheeled me out of the OR to the maternal ICU for stabilization, as my body was rapidly shifting from severe pre-eclampsia into HELLPS syndrome.
The first picture Daddy took was of her 1 lb. 13oz, (840 grams) 8″ battered body, already in her body bag with all the tubes disconnected but in situ. Due to COVID and her wee size, we were forbidden from holding her, saying goodbye, or even burying her. We were informed she would be disposed of with the rest of the surgical OR biohazard waste.
2.5 hrs. later, a shocked neonatologist collapsed in the chair next to my ICU bed with his elbows on his knees and in a hysterical voice an octave too high, pronounced, “She’s BREATHING! And she has a HEARTBEAT!!! But she is SO DAMAGED that there is no way we can bring her to the NICU!” Turns out the students practicing on her became a blessing in disguise because normally no one would have noticed the resurrection of a micro preemie already in their body bag for disposal.
I calmly responded, “I told you she would come back to life. If God can raise her from the dead, don’t you believe He can fix the rest of her? Send her to the NICU.” A confused whimper escaped his lips, then he walked out.
The picture I saw from Daddy’s visit showed she was the size of his hand from her mandarin sized head to her knee, and her wee calf and foot below his fingertip. Her calf was so tiny my wedding ring could go up to her knee. Her dancer’s foot was only one and a half finger pads from heel to toe. She was intubated, NG feeding tube, umbilical IV and foot IV, and vitals monitors. Seeing her fully formed wee body jolted me as I realized she was the size that many 2nd trimester abortions happened.
Around the 18 – 20 hr. mark the next evening, I made my first visit to her incubator in The Cave, where the NICU environment was micro controlled for light, sound, temperature, stimuli of any kind for the tiniest of the surviving micro preemies smaller than 1000g.
There, a neonatologist with a name that immediately reminded me of Leviathan, did her best for a whole hour to convince me to pull the plug. They declared the strangulation had ruptured her delicate brain blood vessels. The reports showed two stage 3 and 4 catastrophic strokes that had destroyed her brain from the frontal lobe all the way back to the clotted off brainstem, which they declared had caused quadriplegia with cerebral palsy, blindness, and necessity of life support. Her brain fluid wouldn’t be able to circulate, setting her up for hydrocephaly that would be excruciatingly painful if she could feel anything at all before the pressure caused her death. Her motor and speech centers were destroyed, so she would never walk or talk. They urged me to just pull the plug and put everyone out of their misery because she had no hope for life.
I continued to declare to them Isaiah 62:3-4, and now Isaiah 30:26 that the LORD shall heal the stroke of the wound of His people. Both my husband in his vision and I in a dream saw the same promise. She would be dancing on stage as a young adult, giving her testimony of God’s glory in her life. “She won’t be a quadriplegic because she will be dancing on her toes, which requires balance and precision. She will be giving her testimony on stage, which means she WILL talk. And based on her movement in the dream, she CAN see!”
Realizing the doctors weren’t getting their way, they switched gears to increase the pressure with word curses against our finances, our marriage, our other children, listing out all the horrible things that would happen to us if we refused to comply with their demands to pull the plug. I declared that I rejected their word curses against us. The more we resisted to bow to their demands, the angrier they got.
After an hour of them escalating to verbal tirade level, I lost my cool and snapped back at them, “I REJECT YOUR JEZEBEL’S EXECUTIONERS LETTER OF INTIMIDATION! GOD SAID, ENOUGH SAID, DONT ARGUE WITH HIM!”
The doctor’s body jerked violently as if she had been invisibly punched in the stomach. In terror, she jumped up and bolted out of our cave hub. The nurses stared with gaping mouths, wondering what just happened. “Did you just PUNCH her???” I was surprised at the demonic manifestation but waved at my IV pole and wheelchair, “I don’t have go-go-gadget arms (*Inspector Gadget). We are 6 ft apart [for COVID social distancing]. What you just saw was a Jezebel spirit of witchcraft being exposed to that doctor.”
Dumbfounded, it registered I was sitting in a very uncomfortable wheelchair less than 24 hrs. after major abdominal surgery, hooked up to IV trying to keep me from having seizures and on high doses of Demerol…not exactly the profile to pull off a lightning-fast Kungfu stunt.
Their confuddled looks opened the first door to share openly about the Bible stories of Jezebel, Ahab, and Elijah to a rapt audience. Despite Canada being considered an evangelized nation, 95% of the staff were in their 40’s or younger and had no understanding of the Bible nor knew who Jesus Christ was.
I would later go on to share testimonies, prophetic words and Biblical teaching to over 100 staff through conversational chit chat, of which only 2 knew even the smallest bit about the contents of the Bible or who Jesus was. I joked that I wasn’t sure if they hated me or loved my stories so much that they rotated my staff so frequently over the course of our 98 day stay!
The following morning when she was around 30 hrs. old, I was wheeled back to her incubator. She was no longer intubated but now had a wee CPAP over her nose. All her tubes were in new locations, with raw patches on her tissue paper thin skin from where the previous tapes had been.
“What happened???” I asked the day nurse. “I was told they wouldn’t move her for 72 hrs.!”
The nurse updated me that Atarah had ripped out her OWN breathing, feeding, and IV tubes. “But that’s just brainstem reflex. The brain scan shows she’s a quadriplegic.” The silent message conveyed was, “Don’t get your hopes up!”
I responded with a chuckle, “Oh no, my dear. That is quite purposeful movement, to do such a thorough job to rip out all those secured tubes one by one! She just proved the doctors wrong and her God right! She shall dance on stage as a young adult, declaring the glory of the LORD!”
As if on cue, she stretched her limbs out very intentionally and moved her head toward me to get more comfortable, meowling at the recognition of my voice.
PART 3 – Don’t Poke the Bear!
Refusing to bow to those who are addicted to being in control as the top dog will naturally ruffle feathers, especially when rationalism and intellectualism have become their idols. Challenge their bottom line of pride in always being right while everyone else is wrong, get ready to watch spiritual fireworks explode!
Yahweh had demonstrated resurrection power and a miracle in the first 24 hrs. of life proving Atarah was NOT a quadriplegic and capable of breathing independently without incubation at 28 wks. gestational age. However, Unbelief and Leviathan had blinded the minds of the doctors. Those who refuse to receive the love of the truth will be handed over to a strong delusion.
2 Thessalonians 2:9-12 AMP
[9] The coming of the [Antichrist, the lawless] one is through the activity of Satan, [attended] with great power [all kinds of counterfeit miracles] and [deceptive] signs and false wonders [all of them lies], [10] and by unlimited seduction to evil and with all the deception of wickedness for those who are perishing, because they did not welcome the love of the truth [of the gospel] so as to be saved [they were spiritually blind, and rejected the truth that would have saved them]. [11] Because of this God will send upon them a misleading influence, [an activity of error and deception] so they will believe the lie, [12] in order that all may be judged and condemned who did not believe the truth [about their sin, and the need for salvation through Christ], but instead took pleasure in unrighteousness.
The next faith battle loomed as her head began to visibly swell with hydrocephaly due to her clotted off brainstem. By day 2, they informed us they would put in a brain shunt to drain the fluid to ease the pressure in her brain.
Yahweh had a different plan. “NO razor shall touch a Nazarite’s head!” If you remember, He told me during my 1st trimester that this child would be consecrated as a Nazarite seer from birth with the anointing of Samuel and Samson. Her early arrival via successful witchcraft assassination and then resurrection did not change the calling on this child’s life.
This was shaping up to be a battle between belief vs. unbelief. We had to CHOOSE this day whom we would serve – the gods of pharma kea or Yahweh, the creator of heaven and earth that fashioned and breathed life into the first man Adam!
I informed them what Yahweh said. “No razor shall touch her head. No surgery.” At that point, I had no other rhema’s, no vision, no solutions, just a declaration of Yahweh’s boundaries on her life.
They informed me she would be dead within 24 hrs. if I refused to comply. I rebuked the spirit of death and their word curses and held my ground firmly upon the Rock. For it is only those who hear and do NOT obey Yahweh’s commandments, both written logos and spoke rhema, that are beaten apart by the storms of life while standing on shifting sand.
After 48 hrs., she was still alive, so they tried to convince my husband to pull the plug OR sign off on the surgery without my awareness. Yahweh alerted me and I joined from the maternal ICU what was supposed to be a secret video call. The doctors didn’t know my husband’s and my accounts were joined for transparency. I shut them down yet again with the rhema that “no razor shall come upon her head. She is a Nazarite from birth with the anointing of Samuel and Samson. You will NOT intimidate nor coerce my husband with emotional manipulation and blackmail under medical duress!”
My husband knew my nursing background of 17 years, recognizing I comprehended just how medically dire the situation was we were facing and still i chose the rhema of Yahweh. His faith was bolstered seeing me so firm upon the word of Yahweh, a rhema that spat all my medical knowledge in the face.
Despite the appearance of my insanity supposedly brought on by emotionalism and exhaustion, he had prior experience of the results of standing upon the rhema of Yahweh in the past. My “hairbrained schizophrenic convictions of listening to voices” led to my firstborn instantly being healed of Autism and severe food allergies. My second born was healed of an umbilical hernia the size of a Timbit donut that doctors said would need surgery as soon as he grew big enough to survive surgery. We demanded our unbelieving pastor and elders to obey James 5:14-16 and OUR faith bore fruit much to their terror that trashed their theology that spiritual gifts including healing died w the apostolic age. Then at 2 yrs old he suffered a 4″ cranial arterial laceration, as the freemason curse of head injuries upon their descendants manifested. Upon command in the name of Jesus Christ, the wound stopped gushing blood and close up without surgery or stitches. That miracle was the final straw resulting in being kicked out of that church for “practicing witchcraft.” After all, if you theology has rendered Yahweh impotent and Holy Spirit evicted from the earth realm, it is quite rational that the devil is the only one left with power.
Another successful testament of His voice led to becoming 100% debt free including our mortgage after obeying Yahweh’s commandments instead of caving in fear to CRA’s intimidation they would send us to jail for tax evasion (*equivalent of America’s IRS). Their threats backfired and THEY had to pay US $16,000 in back taxes. My 3rd and 4th children were set free from trauma induced mutism caused by their babysitting reverend grandmother from a Freemason family, who beat them up at 1 and 3 yrs old while manifesting demonically. My husband pointed out this wasn’t my first time around the block hearing His voice and getting results.
With my God batting 3 wins to 0 for the doctors in this showdown against their powerless declarations that she was dead, would be quadriplegic, and need permanent life support, he chose to side with my firm stance. He resolutely turned down the neurosurgeon’s threatening “offer” of surgery.
We were finally united firmly upon the Rock, together. Together we rise or fall in this battle. Blessed are those who dwell together in unity, for that is where the anointing will freely pour.
The medical staff then declared I was mentally unstable for being irrational and delusional, assigning me a social worker. After all, I had openly admitted to the OR OB/GYN that I am an SSRA survivor with a history of DID and MK Ultra programming with prior military service that resulted in medical release. However, this intimidation tactic did NOT override my lawful authority as a biological parent and I knew it.
Ironically, what they intended for evil became a blessing as their stunt opened up access to resources previously inaccessible. Parking went from $600/month to $60 with a parking pass. I now had access to the hospital grade breast pump supplies and then a prescription for a $500 double breast pump for free. I was given a longer leash during this intense COVID lockdown season, able to bring protein bars in my pockets and water onto the unit when the COVID rules prohibited ALL food and water from being consumed on hospital units due to requiring removal of the not-so- almighty mask that they declared was their Protector. The staff treated me with kid gloves and fearful respect instead of being as anal and snippy as I watched them treat other families that succumbed to their shaming, fearmongering, and control tactics.
I discovered the staff were reporting my “delusions and hearing voices” to each other each shift change, in the name of keeping an eye on me. It backfired as they shared the rhema’s and then manifested testimonies of how “her god Yahweh speaks to her” and was successfully showing off His glory.
Negative media has the benefit of spreading like wildfire, drawing attention to topics that otherwise would be ignored. Let your good deeds glorify your Father in Heaven before ALL men, not just cowardly hidden within church walls or believers’ homes.
Acts 22:14-15 KJV
[14] And he said, The God of our fathers hath chosen thee, that thou shouldest know his will, and see that Just One, and shouldest hear the voice of his mouth. [15] For thou shalt be his witness unto all men of what thou hast seen and heard.
Matthew 5:16 KJV – Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
By the 3rd day, I was downgraded from the ICU to the regular maternal ward. The OB surgeon who performed my surgery came to my bedside, trying to wrap her mind around the unexplainable series of events.
She wanted to know how an SSRA survivor could call upon the name of Jesus Christ with such assurance and get results. They had seen many families talk about God and pray but almost none got results. How did I get free from that lifestyle? Her probing pointed questions showed she knew more about the underbelly of the devil’s labyrinth than she dared to share openly. (*I would later discover this hospital was built on dedicated land that was the throne of freemasonry under cover of the Baptist denomination in our territory. The hospital, under guise of offering medical support, was a continual supply of fresh children’s blood and flesh.)
That led to over an hour-long discussion at the end of her shift of the crucial importance of removing one’s iniquities so Yahweh will listen to you in the first place (Isaiah 59:1-3) and then walking in radical obedience to His laws and ways. I shared my experiences with the power of deliverance from blood covenants and demons, the inner healing of soul wounds, and binding up my fractured soul. She scribbled down where I had found resources that helped set me free, for others to access. Although she acknowledged she was not a believer in Jesus Christ (yet), she had seen enough in her career to know there had to be something more than this carnal, temporal realm.
My reputation preceded me to that maternal ward, resulting in the staff apparently posting on the front of my chart “Don’t poke the bear!” The result was everyone being scared of me. The blessing, however, was that they turned my wardroom into a private room for free!
Romans 8:28 KJV – 28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
According to Google, “Don’t poke the bear” means do not deliberately provoke or antagonize someone who is POWERFUL, volatile, or easily angered. It is a warning to avoid unnecessarily stirring up trouble or CHALLENGING AUTHORITY, as it risks triggering a severe and UNWANTED REACTION. (*emphasis mine) They received the unwanted reaction of humiliation by Yahweh proving He is the boss and not them!
One of the haggard night staff asked with trepidation as she stood just inside my room door why they had labeled my chart like that. She had never seen such a note on a chart before. I chuckled as I recounted the events of the past few days, causing her eyes and mouth to widen in shock as she ventured closer to my bed.
The same light that causes what hides in darkness to flee also attracts those who want to see.
John 3:19-21 AMP
[19] This is the judgment [that is, the cause for indictment, the test by which people are judged, the basis for the sentence]: the Light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. [Is 5:20] [20] For every wrongdoer hates the Light and does not come to the Light [but shrinks from it] for fear that his [sinful, worthless] activities will be exposed and condemned. [21] But whoever practices truth [and does what is right—morally, ethically, spiritually] comes to the Light, so that his works may be plainly shown to be what they are—accomplished in God [divinely prompted, done with God’s help, in dependence on Him].”
She opened up to share she was raised Catholic but never saw any evidence of God’s power, so she walked away from her church and faith in hopelessness. How did I get results if I didn’t go to church myself?
I pointed out I had to leave the unbelief of the church system and press into searching the scriptures – Jesus Christ the Word, Yahweh come in the flesh – in order to discover the real Jesus, stripping away the teachings of “another Jesus, another [powerless] gospel, another [demonic, antichrist, religious] spirit”, learning to DO what the scriptures taught in the fear of the LORD instead of what the church under the traditions of men taught. I had to leave modern day Nazareth to find the Jesus that promised we would do even greater works than He did.
2 Corinthians 11:3-4 KJV – 3 But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. 4 For if he that cometh preached another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him.
Isaiah 29:13-14 AMP
[13] Then the Lord said, “Because this nation approaches [Me only] with their words And honors Me [only] with their lip service, But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me is a tradition that is learned by rote [without any regard for its meaning], [14] Therefore, listen carefully, I will again do marvelous and amazing things with this people, wonderful and astonishing things; And the wisdom of their wise men will perish, And the understanding of their discerning men will be hidden.”
John 14:12 KJV – 12
Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
That night, I taught her how to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, hear Yahweh’s voice for herself, and read the Bible under His tutelage with spiritual revelation.
Despite the highs of multiple victories, the nonstop barrage of mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical pain had me losing my equilibrium and wallowing in the pit of despair. My shield of faith was getting heavy from the onslaught of witchcraft laden condemnation and accusation. “Yahweh, why are You allowing me to be beat up like this? What have I done wrong? Where is the sin that allowed all these curses to land?”
His response left me in shock as He gave me a firm proverbial slap across my face. “SMARTEN UP! I didn’t send you into this prison house to have a pity party. I sent you into this hospital to be like Paul and Silas, who were strong enough to withstand the beatings and still praise Me through the pain to open a portal allowing My presence to set the captives free from their bondages, leading the jailers to salvation. I have sent you in here on undercover assignment as a double agent, not as punishment! Atarah’s head shall drain under the south side of the east gate. And you shall lead her jailers to salvation, also.”
That perspective shift completely changed my attitude and emotions from that day forward. Modern day churchianity teaches a gospel of comfort, complacency, and greed driven prosperity without persecution, yet it is the challenges of persecution that release the Kingdom of Heaven with advancement of Kingdom territory. I recognized that day Yahweh was setting up a showdown to show off His glory that no man could accomplish.
Matthew 5:10-12 KJV – 10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
2 nights later, the Catholic nurse popped back into my room, beaming with a supernatural face-lift. 20 years had been erased from her face! She shared she had received the baptism of Holy Spirit and heard His voice, receiving such healing and freedom. She reported devouring the scriptures that now came alive.
One must be born again in the Spirit to function in the Kingdom of heaven. Mere water baptism of repentance is not the same as baptism of the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus Christ.
John 3:2-6 AMP
[2] [Nicodemus] who came to Jesus at night and said to Him, “Rabbi (Teacher), we know [without any doubt] that You have come from God as a teacher; for no one can do these signs [these wonders, these attesting miracles] that You do unless God is with him.” [3] Jesus answered him, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless a person is born again [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, sanctified], he cannot [ever] see and experience the kingdom of God.” [4] Nicodemus said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter his mother’s womb a second time and be born, can he?” [5] Jesus answered, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot [ever] enter the kingdom of God. [Ezek 36:25-27] [6] That which is born of the flesh is flesh [the physical is merely physical], and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
Acts 19:3-6 AMP
[3] And he asked, “Into what then were you baptized?” They said, “Into John’s baptism.” [4] Paul said, “John performed a baptism of repentance, continually telling the people to believe in Him who was coming after him, that is, [to confidently accept and joyfully believe] in Jesus [the Messiah and Savior].” [5] After hearing this, they were baptized [again, this time] in the name of the Lord Jesus. [6] And when Paul laid his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they began speaking in [unknown] tongues (languages) and prophesying.
By day 5, the crushing pressure and intensity of witchcraft of having to fight the daily decrees of death over my daughter, coming from all sides grew more than my physical body could bear. I ended up having a heart attack and what they informed me was a right sided hemiplegic stroke, leaving my right arm and leg very weak.
Back to the maternal ICU I was rushed for stabilization until my troponin levels came back to a whopping 80,000. Hysteria ripped through the normally cold, emotionless ICU staff, triggering a rapid transfer to the cardiac ICU to undergo emergency angioplasty. For context, I was told anything over 10 would constitute as evidence of cardiac damage.
I was told I would remain at the cardiac hospital, separated from my daughter for the duration of my stay, but I declared to the maternal ICU staff as the transfer ambulance paramedics whisked my stretcher out the doors, “My God binds up the broken hearted and sets the captives free! I will be back!”
Due to the crisis nature of the transfer, the doctors didn’t wait for the freezing to take hold before they inserted the angiocath up my right wrist, causing me to black out from the horrific pain. The X-rays and body scans of all kinds searching for blood clots to explain the sudden onset of symptoms all came back negative.
I woke up to the chatter of confused and irritated cardiac ICU staff. They were ticked off at the maternal ICU for blowing things out of proportion. “There was nothing wrong with this patient’s heart [or cardiac system]. Send her back! We don’t need her to take up one of our beds!” They didn’t care what the bloodwork showed. Their reports showed no abnormalities, and they were the cardiac experts, so their evidence trumped a maternal ICU’s evidence.
I was sent back to the miffed maternal ICU after a mere 4 hrs. away. Yahweh scored yet another goal against those who acted as if they had the right to play God themselves, believing that science carried higher authority than the Most High God.
Proverbs 21:2 KJV – Every way of a man is
right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.
Ezekiel 28:2 AMP
[2] “Son of man, say to the prince of Tyre, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Because your heart is lifted up And you have said and thought, ‘I am a god, I sit in the seat of the gods In the heart of the seas’; Yet you are [only] a man [weak, feeble, made of earth] and not God, Though you [imagine yourself to be more than mortal and] think your mind is as [wise as] the mind of God—
It was after this encounter that community rallied around me to lift up my arms of faith like Aaron and Hur lifted up the weary arms of Moses during battle. There were a few special prayer warriors that stayed in contact with me through text, helping me keep my focus steady in this protracted battle.
Fast forward a moment to the 9th day, the cardiac surgeon came over to my hospital to visit me in person upon discharge. He informed me I needed to see the angioplasty report. He was deeply troubled, searching to understand what happened that medical science couldn’t explain.
As he read out the report, he emphasized one phrase that caught my attention, “…No hardness of heart found…” He pointed out he had never seen that written on a cardiac report before and asked if I knew what it meant.
I told him that Yahweh was confirming to me on this 9th day graduating out of this ICU alive – 9 representing the fruit and gifts of the Holy Spirit – that my heart was now circumcised. I had fully forgiven from the heart, removing the hardness of bitterness against the witchcraft attacks that led to Atarah’s preterm birth. I had successfully surrendered to the chastening of Yahweh without growing bitter while remaining steadfast, which was evidence of overcoming the generational strongholds in my family tree.
Although I previously had a rational understanding of salvation, that day I finally comprehended deep in my heart that my past as an SSRA survivor was no longer held against me. I truly belonged to Yahweh.
He had allowed my daughter to endure the witchcraft assassin, subsequent resurrection, and my own heart attack and stroke then swooped in with His redemption to prove that He was indeed more powerful than any demon I had sworn allegiance to as a wee child with blood covenants. Yahweh demonstrated He not only accepted me but loved me enough to have my back against my prior demonic captors, visibly demonstrating they were under His feet. I would need that truth sunk deep into my heart to endure until this war was won.
Hebrews 3:8 BSB – do not harden your hearts, as you did in the rebellion, in the day of testing in the wilderness,
Romans 2:5 ESV – But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.
Ezekiel 36:26-28 AMP
[26] Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. [27] I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My ordinances and do them. [28] You will live in the land that I gave to your fathers; and you will be My people, and I will be your God.
Romans 14:4 AMP
[4] Who are you to judge the servant of another? Before his own master he stands [approved] or falls [out of favor]. And he [who serves the Master—the Lord] will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
The end of that first week was shaping up to be yet another showdown. I had stood firmly against all brain surgery demands. They had decreed her death for 7 days in a row without fruit. Yet she was still thriving despite the growing hydrocephaly.
I asked Yahweh what this battle was really about. His response surprised me. “You can choose to bow to Pharaoh and become a medical slave for the rest of her life or you can choose to bow before Me and allow Me to make her completely whole.”
I had taken care of brain shunts in my nursing career and knew the burden they offered in exchange for subsistence of life. They needed constant surgeries to replace the drainage tubes as the distance between the head and the stomach grew longer. The risk of brain and incision infections were astronomical, not to mention the agony of daily care and routine surgeries.
Yahweh whispered into my heart that morning, “Lay Isaac in the altar. Trust and obey.” Then Psalm 23 ran through my heart, focusing on the phrase “Thy Rod and Staff, they comfort me.” Within minutes, a homeschool mom I had not been in contact with for years sent me a text. She had a dream that morning of a song being sung to the imagery of Psalm 23. The song was “Trust and Obey.” Whether through my husband or acquaintances, Yahweh continued to establish His word through 2 or 3 witnesses. He didn’t expect me to walk this road alone. I had to stand firm without wavering, but he sent along confirmations of his voice and message in a myriad of ways.
One day in frustration to their broken record of the daily report that she would be dead by the end of the day, I bluntly told the doctor that shift, “If she dies, Yahweh will raise her from the dead a second time! Your threats don’t scare me. Trying to convince someone they have blue hair when they KNOW they have brown hair is futile.”
My perceived insolence for failing to cower under their arrogant control had hit boiling point. Now I was being called into a meeting with a doctor whose reputation caused the NICU nurses to shudder and the social worker to burst into tears upon hearing the news, fearing what would happen to me.
Apparently, this doctor never took no for an answer, willing to crush any obstacle in her path into the ground regardless of how dirty the tactics were. The social worker refused to let me go into that meeting alone, asking if I had anyone willing to come support me out of fear I would snap under the pressure. I responded, “We are in COVID lockdowns. Even if I wanted someone here, no one is allowed into the hospital except me.”
The social worker’s eyes brightened a moment. “What about the chaplain? She is already in the hospital!” I agreed and placed a phone call. The chaplain listened attentively to the spiritual battle we had been on the last week, albeit completely confused about the spiritual or biblical references. Just because someone calls themselves a Christian doesn’t mean they are a believer in Jesus Christ, able to hear His voice in the spirit realm, or operate within the Kingdom of Heaven.
A short while later, she wheeled me into the conference room with this foreboding doctor version of Nurse Hatchet. The doctor informed us that because I was refusing to comply with necessary medical care, they would be pulling the plug themselves and declaring my daughter palliative. They refused to waste any further resources on her.
Recognizing this was a spiritual battle and not merely two humans shooting the breeze in that room, I wielded my two-edged sword, reciting all the prophetic words Yahweh had given to date. “She shall not die but live and declare the glory of the LORD. She shall be dancing on stage as a young adult and sharing her testimony of God’s power in her life. Her head shall drain under the south side of the east gate. She shall not need a disability credit. Trust and obey, for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey. His rod and staff shall comfort me.”
The doctor’s face contorted in rage hitting up against an immovable wall. The blood vessels popped out in her forehead and neck as she tried every intimidation, threat, emotional manipulation tactic she could think of all to no avail. We both refused to budge in our stances, like two bulls locking horns.
Suddenly, the chaplain piped up, “The doctor is demanding palliative care. Your God said His rod and staff would comfort you. Are you aware the palliative program is called “Comfort Care?” Maybe that IS your God’s path forward!”
Clarity and understanding clicked in that moment. “I agree to comfort care!” I declared to the doctor. The jubilation of victory swept over her face in glee, as she declared, “Great! You’ve agreed to kill your child!” I leaned forward in response, “No ma’am. I just got YOU out of the way so that MY God can now do a miracle without your interference and you won’t be able to take any credit for His glory!” Her face crumpled in utter defeat at the unexpected checkmate. Sometimes Yahweh will hand you over to the desires of your polluted heart at the destruction of your soul. I never saw that doctor for the remaining duration of our 98 days.
Psalm 106:15 KJV –And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.
This battle had been won with palpable weightlifting off me in the spirit realm, but the war was far from over for this 1 lb. 13oz little girl. After passing this test, Yahweh spoke to both my husband and I separately that she would not need a disability credit. She would go home with a clean bill of health. That rhema would sustain our hope as we buckled down for the long haul of this war.
The medical staff halted all medications, blood draws, and other interventions while leaving her c-pap and feeding tube at my demand “for comfort”. We had not agreed to let her die. We had agreed to stop the doctors from playing God.
I should interject here that Yahweh isn’t against all medical intervention. He was the one who told me to go to the hospital that led to the emergency C-section then cardiac interventions. Atarah’s unique situation to refuse aggressive medical care was in obedience to His rhema commands. He knows the perfect path around all the landmines the devil has sown and will sow into your specific field. Yahweh will navigate you around each one as you keep your ear upon His chest in intimacy and quickly obey His voice. Hearing AND obeying will bring blessings into your own life, while hearing but failing to act will lead to self-deception.
Deuteronomy 28:1-2 AMP
[1] “Now it shall be, if you diligently listen to and obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all of His commandments which I am commanding you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. [2] All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you pay attention to the voice of the Lord your God.
James 1:22 KJV
[22] But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
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